Sleep Dep

Here's a friendly suggestion of awesomeness to play over the post, if you so feel (word of warning: it's not traditional music, so you may not like it the first listen... but give it time):



Truth be told, it's been quite some time since I've tried to update this blog, and even longer since I've actually posted. I suppose it has something to do with not feeling that I have anything worth saying before I have done something to back it up; if there's one thing that consistently that irks me, it's empty words.

So I haven't posted. But I've been doing a lot of doing. So that's cool.

I've learned a few things, too, in the vein of things that generally suck while you go through them, but somehow look back upon as growing times. Or maybe that's what your brain does to protect you from trauma-inducing experiences. Either way is fine with me, I think.

A Brief-ish Thought About Sleep Deprivation:

For a few months there, I was pulling twenty hour work shifts, hopping back and forth between two jobs. It was typical for me to see the sunset as I left my first job, only to watch it rise the next morning as I left the second. At first, I was ecstatic that I was able to work so much; most of the time I have a lingering guilt that clouds everything that I do that doesn't contribute to a paycheck. It prompted a certain adult freedom that I hadn't ever felt before. I began to seek out the early morning haunts that no one ever knows about: the all-night coffee places and open-way-too-early-in-the-morning pancake houses that only the rare patron greets at 5am. A french bakery that wafts welcoming waves of fresh-baked, honey-drenched croissant and french-pressed coffee air that is more than enough to get your salivary glands overworked anywhere within a two mile radius. A midnight diner that boasts mountains of sausage-gravy biscuits and cheese-enrobed scrambled eggs, with enough watery, burn-flavored coffee to drown the four-hundred-pound truckers and high-powered executives that were called to by name by the sugary-sweet waitress. I had discovered an unfamiliar culture that lurked in the uber-late and wicked-early. It existed in flashes of Hunter S. Thompson-esque surrealism, the product of an enthused exhaustion: shaking streetlights that trailed through the night, menacingly unending roads with beneficent streetlights, smiling waiters extending over-sized coffee pots and impractical advice, slow-moving passenger trains that came full of people and left empty, blurry menus of swedish omelets and mushroom sauces, dark stairways paved with astro-turf, loud non sequitur fireworks breaking the night's stillness, low-slung cars burning out tires and blaring subsonic bass.

This enthusiasm of discovery lasted approximately a month. Apparently sleep is somewhat functional, in that you don't function much without it. The evil of sleep-dep is subtle. There are the obvious side-effects: a perpetual hangover that affects everything that you do, the nodding off during intense situations, the forgetting parts of the day, the blurring of days into weeks into months. The obvious ones are easy to muscle through. Sheer will power. If you made it through finals in college, you've gotten this part mastered. It's the secondary effects that are way more devious and detrimental.

Here's the thing about sleep dep: it makes you tired of being tired. Infinite regression. Once you've begun the cycle, it becomes a spinning top of weariness that only increases its rotation, fueled by its own existence. It begins to erode your mind around the edges, numbing you to most things that were once sensitive. You begin to isolate yourself. Your interests shift from many to one primary goal: sleep. Future goals? Sleep. Long term plans? Sleep.

All other decisions are trivial.

Sleep dep is evil.

Needless to say, I quit my night job.

That Single Guy at a Marriage Seminar

This is the article that I was fortunate enough to be able to publish in Elevation Church's magazine a few weeks ago. Hope you like it!
-Matt

------

Nodding heads. A disarming amount of nodding heads.

My initial interaction with the work of Dr. Emerson Eggerichs was interesting, to say the least. Many soberly nodding heads. Instant agreement. It was like a super power. Anywhere I went, I could simply rehearse the major points of any chapter from whichever Dr. Eggerichs' book that I was currently reading and skeptically petrified heads would instantly bob up and down in unison, as if they had hit a speed bump on the same mental dashboard. While it's possible that I may have abused this newly discovered power (in hindsight, the dramatic wand flourishes and black top hat may have been overkill), I was naively surprised to find that these specific (and therefore paradoxically universal) truths were impacting me just as dramatically.

I was reading Love and Respect as I prepared to interview Dr. Eggerichs for this article. He was scheduled to visit Elevation as a guest speaker and, even though I was newly a writer, I had boldly volunteered to be the literary emissary representing Elevation Magazine. But, to be honest, despite my freshman enthusiasm I was still a little skeptical about reading the book. Why? Well, for starters, I was single. For me, the idea of reading a book on marriage problems was about as appealing as running through white-hot sand without wearing any shoes; just let me get to the beach first, then we'll talk sole ointment. Secondly, I was a single guy. While a single girl might receive a good-natured ribbing for daydreaming about the future, if I was caught reading a red and white striped book called Love and Respect while there was something even remotely manly going on, I was in real danger of having a bonnet duct-taped to my head. Thirdly, I was a single guy with a girlfriend, a sister and a mom. I was convinced: if there was a way to figure out a woman, it was beyond any normal human experience.

Dr. Eggerichs has that experience. I had finished reading his work; as I spoke to him over the phone, his twenty years of experience in church-pastoring and couples-counseling flowed over the conversation and filled in the many cracks that I found I had in my reading comprehension. His message is a simple one, in the vein of simple concepts that are able to slice through misconceptions like butter and completely change the way you act and think; yet this simplicity is at once strongly compelling and inherently frustrating, in that it takes real purposefulness and discipline to engage it. Centering around what he calls “probably the greatest treatises in the New Testament on marriage,” Ephesians 5, Dr. Eggerichs goes against the modern cultural grain in his ardent exhortation of husbands and wives: the summary verse, Ephesians 5:33, says that a husband must love, and a wife must respect.

“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” -Ephesians 5:33

Realizing that while there was no debate on the first part of the verse, Dr. Eggerichs explained to me that the idea of a wife respecting her husband simply because he is a man was one that had gone largely unexplored, despite a clear context in scripture (as you might imagine, the “patriarchal nature” of the sentiment doesn't exactly warm the cockles of most popular political persuasions). But Dr. Eggerichs argues that despite the reactive nature of the idea, this differentiation between love and respect is a key insight to the marriage relationship (and male/female relationships in general).

“A wife has one driving need – to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need – to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy.”

I can hear your head nodding. Even to a single guy, it's so obvious... once you see it.

Having spent nearly twenty years as the senior pastor at Trinity Church in East Lansing, Michigan, Dr. Eggerichs counseled an innumerable amount of couples, listening closely to their issues. After identifying the love/respect difference and finding the funding for a full academic exploration of the topic to be politically verboten, he created Love and Respect Ministries as a means by which men and women can learn to “decode” one another, using the trove of stories from his experiences to poignantly illustrate the ways that every relationship (even a good one) expresses conflict. Their website, loveandrespect.com, further extends support by providing forums on which couples can have questions answered and can find personal support through difficult times.

As our conversation began to wind down, I became acutely aware of the extent to which my own perspective filtered the way that I interacted with life. I found that my own story was intertwined with the stories of thousands of other relationships around me. That maybe the beach is not the only (or best) starting point for decoding my barefoot walk of respect into one of love. That perhaps a good-natured ribbing might possibly be a transliteration of a duct tape bonnet.

I remember how blessed I am to attend a church like Elevation Church. My perspective might be (quite) limited to that of a single male, but I have constant contact with thousands of other people who have perspectives that can inform and strengthen my own, from wildly varied backgrounds and life-experiences. I have access to amazing small groups that can give me direct personal support. I can sit under wise counsel like Dr. Eggerichs and Pastor Stephen. I have a tireless church staff that is ready to give everything in order to help me figure out this love and life thing. This love and respect and life thing.

As the interview coasted to a close, I caught my reflection in a mirror and noted, with little surprise, that it was nodding, too.

sleep is a currency

sleep is a currency
whose price
fluctuates in
tender
sometimes
it is worth
the exchange rate
other times
its worth
devalues
everything else

sleep is a currency
whose pace
fluctuates in
tides
sometimes
it is deeper
than you are tall
other times
it is shallow
the enemy of
progress

sleep is a currency
whose presence
fluctuates in
time
sometimes
it is gentle
in daydreams
other times
it is indefatigable
never satisfied
with substitutes

Two Jobs: A quick update on life, May 24, 2011

"Hell isn't merely paved with good intentions; it's walled and roofed with them. Yes, and furnished too." -Aldous Huxley

Obviously I haven't been as faithful to this blog as I have been over the past few months... I had every intention of posting something at least three times a week.

Here's the deal. I have picked up a second job... a night job. I'll be able to wax verbose on the subject later. Right now, I'm just tired.

In the time since I've blogged I've written an article for the upcoming Elevation Church article, which is cool. Once it's published, I'll throw a copy of the article up so you can see the extent to which I may or may not pander to specific audiences.

I say all that to say this: I may not blog for a while. I have many ideas, but no time to really cogitate. Perhaps that will change... hopefully I'll have a day off soon. Preferably one without obligation or travel. We'll see.

But right now... bed.

Good night.

A Quick Prayer Request -- Elevation Church Interview/Article

Just a quick update and prayer request.

As of a few months ago, I've been extremely blessed to be able to write for the Elevation Church Magazine. My first article, published in the 2010 "Year in Review" edition, was a moving testimony of one of Elevation's eKidz directors and her journey of faith through a wrecked marriage and single parenthood. The next edition is coming up pretty fast, and things are starting to reach due dates... which, of course, means that stress is building.

For this upcoming edition, my article will be featuring an upcoming guest speaker at Elevation: Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. He will be capping off our "Mr. and Mrs. Betterhalf" series with a message centered around his book, Love and Respect.

On Thursday, I will be interviewing Dr. Eggerichs for the article. I ask that you would be in prayer for the interview and subsequent article-writing, that I will be able to identify and convey clearly the message that God would have to show through this specific article to Elevation Church, and that the people that read it might be helped, challenged or otherwise enlightened by any information in it.

The magazine will be read by somewhere in the neighborhood of 8-10 thousand people. I say that not to try and throw numbers around, but to show the potential impact of what I pray will be an effective article. I say that also because it kinda freaks me out that so many people will read it... one misplaced comma slipping through means ten thousand misplaced commas throughout the city. I'll stick to grammar because I don't want to think about the impact of a fumbled message...

Needless to say, your prayers would be greatly coveted.

Thank you.

-Matt

Viral 5: A Bit of Philosophy

I've run across quite a few little philosophy-related videos as of late, so I thought I might share a few of my favorites.

1. If you have no idea who Stephen Fry is... well, that is a problem that needs immediate solution. Search for "QI: Quite Interesting" on YouTube and watch all of them. Seriously, right now. If you insist on reading this second-hand blog post instead... thank you. But QI is better.




This silly little series is worth checking out... pretty much just a cheeky brit summarizing enormous philosophies in three minutes or so. But it's fun.

*Caution: Rough Language...*




This was my introduction to a now-favorite philosopher: Cornel West. I completely fell head-over-heels in love with this dude... I have a hunch that you might, too.




Another cogent Cornel West clip:




Slavoj Zizek... this guy is a trip. He was also featured in the film "The Examined Life," where I also found Cornel West. Slavoj tends to make a lot of sense... be careful following his line of thought, however... it can be quite slippery.




Subtitles... worth reading, don't worry.







And now for an after-dinner mint... a palate cleanser, if you will:

A Case for Improvisation. Prelude: "Truth Transcends"

I will be working against all of my insecurities in this post; I feel it's important to do this, if just for brevity's sake. Therefore, I will try not to qualify much of what I'm going to say with my typical cheeky little quips or excuses/justifications. I am well aware that I'm not qualified whatsoever to make these sorts of claims... I'm positive that anyone with two licks worth of higher education can disprove this in a matter of seconds, but I'm not going to let that stop me from giving it a solid go. I probably should delay this posting to update myself in epistemological philosophy, but instead I'm going to be working off the top of my head on this one... I know, ballsy. Not really... I don't get much traffic from philosophers. And most of them punch like girls.

The purpose for this inquiry is to try and build a case for the acceptance of improvisational comedy as a legitimate art form, an all-encompassing, all-inclusive creative outlet and a unique platform for intellectual inquiry. I believe it to be one of the most exciting things that we (as a society) have stumbled into, and one of the worst utilized. In the status quo, we are taking a supercomputer and using it to make cartoons. This has got to change.

It's pretty important to establish this groundwork before I continue on to some bigger, more important posts that I have in the works. And even though I'm stupidly attempting to capture something that exists somewhere outside of language, or possibly even above knowledge altogether, I hope that it makes some sort of sense, in an elemental sort of way.

I'm going to begin this line of thinking with an assumption: there is an ultimate Truth.

At a very, very basic level, this Truth underlies the nature of everything, not in a Platonic disembodied way, exactly, but in a simple, everyday kind of way... it's just there from the beginning. It's how we can conceptualize anything. In a world that's in a perpetual quantum shift, it's how we can differentiate any one thing from another, from objects, to actions, to emotions, to ideas. Without this Truth everything would be nothing at all... vague enough? Identifying Truth is, at its basic level, a recognition of differences.

I can't resist at least one attempt to clarify... I know I'm breaking my own rules, but I'm worried that I'm coming across a bit too heady so soon in. Maybe it'll help to think of Truth as something like the idea of color. Let's assume, just for the sake of the illustration, that our only sensory input is visual. If everything were the exact same color, we would be completely useless. Blind as bats, we would have no way to tell objects apart. There would be no way to measure distance or length or breadth or anything, or even conceptualize those ideas. Everything would be nothing at all; we would be utterly helpless. Because we have different colors, and shades of the same color, we can tell the difference between one thing and the next. We are freed to live. Now, I'm not saying that there are differences in Truth in the same way that there are differences in color. I'm saying that Truth is the difference between the colors.

So Truth, then, separates dots from the background.

It is this Truth that is the medium for all metaphor. A simple, usable definition of “metaphor” is “understanding one thing in terms of another.” While identifying Truth is at first a recognition of differences, it is also a comparison of the resultant similarities. It's easy enough to see that when you have specific, observable differences, you can begin to group things together. Metaphors (literally meaning “to carry between”) find objects that are inherently dissimilar and find where they are the same.

Truth connects the dots.

Here's another way that metaphor is valuable. It is difficult to identify a new point of information (let's call it a “dot”) without being told where it is. You have to experience it, and that takes a lot of time and, often, random happenstance that is outside your control. Then you have to name it and find its place in your library of references, etc., etc... It's just a lot. [The more I chew on this idea, the more I'm convinced that everything that we learn must, by necessity, be digested in terms of metaphor; meaning, we conceive every new bit of information in the light of what we have previously learned. Perhaps learning, at its heart, is a metaphorical process... which has huge implications on the use of creativity in education.] Metaphor draws lines between known dots. Both are illuminated by the light of the other; we see both in new ways. But even further, lines (by definition) are a solid sequence of dots themselves. In one fell swoop they identify an untold number of new points of information and perspectives (which, perhaps taking the geographical imagery a bit too far, you could think of as “angles of connection between two or more dots”), each which can then connect to others, and so on. A web of connection and reference, each illuminating one another.

So... we have at least two dimensions of revealed Truth established.

First, in our inherent ability to recognize the difference between two objects, actions, values, etc.

Second, in our ability to identify similarities between two seemingly different objects, actions, values, etc,... In recognizing the two things as both different and similar at the same time (but maintaining their autonomy) we find a new aspect or dimension of Truth. A little bit deeper and more profound.

I'll end on this: a third dimension in which Truth works is in our ability to observe ourselves interacting with the first two levels of Truth. We can conceptualize ourselves both inside and outside the process. Take this essay for example. It's attempting to form a connection to the actual process itself, creating all kinds of havoc. It becomes a sort of meta-critical event, somehow floating over the process and reporting on it. Really this seems like something that shouldn't be possible, but it's yet another way for us to make a connection to the over-arching Truth that defines the differentiations to begin with.

All of these facets of Truth are inherent in our nature and are able to be exercised to greater effectiveness through practice and repetition. Being inherent, they were discovered facets and not created ones.

Why do I spend so much time attempting to describe some ambiguous process of evaluation that is an inherent, taken-for-granted part of life? Because ultimately it's important. We are able to become our own metaphors and can compliment, support and illuminate each other. We can consciously take the next step.

And it's just plain awesome to see the amount of complexity in which we live on a moment-to-moment basis. Beautiful, really.

And finally... the reason all of this is here. I was working towards paving a clear-ish road to this concept, which I plan on using to support further conjecture:

If something holds a value of being true, the same structures that make it true are valuable metaphorical assets and are cross-applicable to other disciplines as either support mechanisms or foundations for new exploration.

Specific truth can be cross-applied to specific aspects of specific disciplines.

Universal truth can be cross-applied universally.

Truth transcends.